For the Chuck Fans

Occasionally Chuck Palanhiuk's website will briefly put up some of his writing seminars. I try to copy them because they don't stay up long. - perrota

Number One:
Two years ago, when I wrote the first of these essays it was about my “egg timer method” of writing. You never saw that essay, but here’s the method: When you don’t want to write, set an egg timer for one hour (or half hour) and sit down to write until the timer rings. If you still hate writing, you’re free in an hour. But usually, by the time that alarm rings, you’ll be so involved in your work, enjoying it so much, you’ll keep going. Instead of an egg timer, you can put a load of clothes in the washer or dryer and use them to time your work. Alternating the thoughtful task of writing with the mindless work of laundry or dish washing will give you the breaks you need for new ideas and insights to occur. If you don’t know what comes next in the story… clean your toilet. Change the bed sheets. For Christ sakes, dust the computer. A better idea will come.

Number Two:
Your audience is smarter than you imagine. Don’t be afraid to experiment with story forms and time shifts. My personal theory is that younger readers distain most books – not because those readers are dumber than past readers, but because today’s reader is smarter. Movies have made us very sophisticated about storytelling. And your audience is much harder to shock than you can ever imagine.

Number Three:
Before you sit down to write a scene, mull it over in your mind and know the purpose of that scene. What earlier set-ups will this scene pay off? What will it set up for later scenes? How will this scene further your plot? As you work, drive, exercise, hold only this question in your mind. Take a few notes as you have ideas. And only when you’ve decided on the bones of the scene – then, sit and write it. Don’t go to that boring, dusty computer without something in mind. And don’t make your reader slog through a scene in which little or nothing happens.

Number Four:
Surprise yourself. If you can bring the story – or let it bring you – to a place that amazes you, then you can surprise your reader. The moment you can see any well-planned surprise, chances are, so will your sophisticated reader.

Number Five:
When you get stuck, go back and read your earlier scenes, looking for dropped characters or details that you can resurrect as “buried guns.” At the end of writing Fight Club, I had no idea what to do with the office building. But re-reading the first scene, I found the throw-away comment about mixing nitro with paraffin and how it was an iffy method for making plastic explosives. That silly aside (… paraffin has never worked for me…) made the perfect “buried gun” to resurrect at the end and save my storytelling ass.

Number Six:
Use writing as your excuse to throw a party each week – even if you call that party a “workshop.” Any time you can spend time among other people who value and support writing, that will balance those hours you spend alone, writing. Even if someday you sell your work, no amount of money will compensate you for your time spent alone. So, take your “paycheck” up front, make writing an excuse to be around people. When you reach the end of your life – trust me, you won’t look back and savor the moments you spent alone.

Write the book you want to read.
Number Seven:
Let yourself be with Not Knowing. This bit of advice comes through a hundred famous people, through Tom Spanbauer to me and now, you. The longer you can allow a story to take shape, the better that final shape will be. Don’t rush or force the ending of a story or book. All you have to know is the next scene, or the next few scenes. You don’t have to know every moment up to the end, in fact, if you do it’ll be boring as hell to execute.

Number Eight:
If you need more freedom around the story, draft to draft, change the character names. Characters aren’t real, and they aren’t you. By arbitrarily changing their names, you get the distance you need to really torture a character. Or worse, delete a character, if that’s what the story really needs.

Number Nine:
There are three types of speech – I don’t know if this is TRUE, but I heard it in a seminar and it made sense. The three types are: Descriptive, Instructive, and Expressive. Descriptive: “The sun rose high…” Instructive: “Walk, don’t run…” Expressive: “Ouch!” Most fiction writers will only use one – at most, two – of these forms. So use all three. Mix them up. It’s how people talk.

Number Ten:
Write the book you want to read.

Number Eleven:
Get author book jacket photos taken now, while you’re young. And get the negatives and copyright on those photos.

Number Twelve:
Write about the issues that really upset you. Those are the only things worth writing about. In his course, called “Dangerous Writing,” Tom Spanbauer stresses that life is too precious to spend it writing tame, conventional stories to which you have no personal attachment. There are so many things that Tom talked about but that I only half remember: the art of “manumission,” which I can’t spell, but I understood to mean the care you use in moving a reader through the moments of a story. And “sous conversation,” which I took to mean the hidden, buried message within the obvious story. Because I’m not comfortable describing topics I only half-understand, Tom’s agreed to write a book about his workshop and the ideas he teaches. The working title is “A Hole In The Heart,” and he plans to have a draft ready by June 2006, with a publishing date set in early 2007.

Number Thirteen:
Another Christmas window story. Almost every morning, I eat breakfast in the same diner, and this morning a man was painting the windows with Christmas designs. Snowmen. Snowflakes. Bells. Santa Claus. He stood outside on the sidewalk, painting in the freezing cold, his breath steaming, alternating brushes and rollers with different colors of paint. Inside the diner, the customers and servers watched as he layered red and white and blue paint on the outside of the big windows. Behind him the rain changed to snow, falling sideways in the wind.

The painter’s hair was all different colors of gray, and his face was slack and wrinkled as the empty ass of his jeans. Between colors, he’d stop to drink something out of a paper cup.

Watching him from inside, eating eggs and toast, somebody said it was sad. This customer said the man was probably a failed artist. It was probably whiskey in the cup. He probably had a studio full of failed paintings and now made his living decorating cheesy restaurant and grocery store windows. Just sad, sad, sad.

This painter guy kept putting up the colors. All the white “snow,” first. Then some fields of red and green. Then some black outlines that made the color shapes into Xmas stockings and trees.

A server walked around, pouring coffee for people, and said, “That’s so neat. I wish I could do that…”

And whether we envied or pitied this guy in the cold, he kept painting. Adding details and layers of color. And I’m not sure when it happened, but at some moment he wasn’t there. The pictures themselves were so rich, they filled the windows so well, the colors so bright, that the painter had left. Whether he was a failure or a hero. He’d disappeared, gone off to wherever, and all we were seeing was his work.

For homework, ask your family and friends what you were like as a child. Better yet, ask them what they were like as children. Then, just listen.

RIP Adrienne Rich, 1929-2012

from “Eastern War Time”

An Atlas of the Difficult World (1991)

7.

Memory says: Want to do right? Don’t count on me.

I’m a canal in Europe where bodies are floating

I’m a mass grave   I’m the life that returns

I’m a table set with room for the Stranger

I’m a field with corners left for the landless

I’m accused of child-death   of drinking blood

I’m a man-child praising God he’s a man

I’m a woman bargaining for a chicken

I’m a woman who sells for a boat ticket

I’m a family dispersed between night and fog

I’m an immigrant tailor who says A coat

Is not a piece of cloth only   I sway

In the learning of the master-mystics

I have dreamed of Zion   I’ve dreamed of world revolution

I have dreamed my children could live at last like others

I have walked the children of others through ranks of hatred

I’m a corpse dredged from a canal in Berlin

a river in Mississippi   I’m a woman standing

with other women dressed in black

on the streets of Hiafa, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem

there is spit on my sleeve there are phonecalls in the night

I am a woman standing in line for gasmasks

I stand on a road in Ramallah   with naked face   listening

I am standing here in your poem   unsatisfied

lifting my smoky mirror

New Students: Registration

Dear Incoming Fall Students,

MFA registration is handled separately from all other registrations. You do not need to do anything about registration right now--please ignore any calls to register that you may receive from the university. I will let you know via the blog when we are ready to move on registration.

bc

Hooray for Sundeen

The Man Who Quit Money is #1 on Amazon's "Nature & Ecology Essays" section, and it's in the top 1600 sellers on Amazon. That's huge! Check it out...

Character Development Workshop

Hi All,

Professor Louisa Burns-Bisogna will be offering a workshop on Saturday, March 31 from 10 am to 12 pm in HI206. Let me know if you would like to attend, my email is santamaria005@connect.wcsu.edu.

Thanks,

Kristin SM

Workshop: Character Development

Whatever your genre...this workshop will help you flesh out your characters. Building on the basic skeleton ( a bit like the forensic detectives in "Bones" or "CSI") you will create the complex physiological, sociological, historical and psychological identity that defines him or her. This will bring authenticity to your character's motivation, movement and "voice", enrich interaction with other characters and increase opportunities for story.

Book Launch party March 29 in NYC

The college where I teach, LIM, is hosting my book launch party in Midtown Manhattan, next Thursday, March 29th. I'd love it if you can come. Details and RSVP info are below. Blue martinis will be served!

You’re Invited to the Celebration!

Author Talk & Book Launch Party for

LIM College Professor Jane K. Cleland’s 7th Josie Prescott Antiques Mystery

Dolled Up for Murder

from St. Martin's Minotaur

"a winner" Publishers Weekly

Jane will discuss “Smuggling Dolls”

How dolls serve as role models and how fashion relates to image and

how bounty from the Civil War leads to murder.

Thursday March 29, 2012 • 6-8 PM

LIM College • FashionOpolis

12 East 53rd Street • New York City

RSVP: institutionaladvancement@limcollege.edu

Books will be available for purchase and signing.

Best Travel Writing Solas Awards

Hey everyone, an article I wrote on recent travels to Cuba garnered a bronze in the 2012 Best Travel Writing Solas Awards. Not a huge deal, but I thought I'd make it available here in case anyone's interested in Cuba or travel writing. Here's the link: http://bit.ly/GDXB2t

If you are interested in going to Cuba and want some travel advice, please feel free to contact me. It's an exciting time to go, as things are in the process of opening up.

Tim

More Good News

John Roche's novel Eighty Eight has made another cut in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. It's now down to the top 250. Keep your fingers crossed or knock on wood or spit or throw some rice or whatever it is that you like to do for good luck...

Thesis Proposals

Thesis Students,

I have sent responses from the Thesis Committee to all of you. If you have not read your response yet, check your wcsu email. Let me know if you have any questions.

bc

Hello Everyone! My short story Hard Heavy Crazy is available on amazon.com. Please check it out! Truly, Jenn Powers

Staged Reading of Quarter Year Dilemmas

Hello my fellow MFAers,

I'm thrilled to share that there will be a staged reading of Quarter Year Dilemmas on March 31, 2012 at Bru Cafe, 141 Orange Street, New Haven, Connecticut (downtown, two blocks from the New Haven green) from 4 to 8 p.m. The event includes an hour of networking and a talkback with audience members, where they can provide feedback on the play, which will be incorporated into subsequent readings and the final production.

"Quarter Life Dilemmas" examines the lives of four friends in their mid-twenties who have realized that life's not so much 'Sex in the City' as it is 'Broke, in Debt, and Hate my Job in the City.'

The reading is part of SWAN (Support Women Artists Now) Day. Despite the many great accomplishments women have made over the years, they continue to face enormous employment discrimination in the arts, entertainment, and media industries. SWAN Day recognizes this fact and challenges women artists, writers, directors and performers to use their creativity to bring awareness to this issue of disparity that women artists face on a daily basis.

The ProduceHERS is a new collaborative effort created by Halima Flynn and Aaliyah Miller aimed at producing new works written and directed by women and building audiences for female theatre artists. Anne Witkavich, a fellow MFA alum, will be participating in the reading. I hope to see you there.

Aaliyah

The Perfect Writing Place

If anyone is interested in a cottage rental that offers the perfect setting to write and edit - private road, on a pond, quiet - but is a 10 minute ride to beaches and sand dunes, 15-20 minutes to Hyannis, Cape Cod, 20 minutes to Plimoth Plantation and an hour to Boston, let me know.

My cottage is in the Ellisville section of South Plymouth...I have some times this spring and summer still available for rental. It is a perfect writing retreat for a solo venture or for a few writing friends to gather, write, relax and enjoy a getaway.

If interested, e-mail me at AnneWitkavitch@comcast.net.

Res Fee

I'm happy to report that I've been informed that the Residency Fee (may show as "Program Fee" on your bills) will NOT go up this year--will remain at $800 per residency.

bc

A snack before the poetry smack.

Would anyone care to join me at Pancho's Taco for a bite to eat before Brian's Poetry Workshop?
I'll be there around 5. Ciao, Andy

Book Contest worth checking out

Poets,

One of the many first-book contests out there. Check it out... deadline is shortly after the thesis due date...

http://www.apsu.edu/zone3/contest/index.html

Consult Poets & Writers, AWP Chronicle, and CWROPPS listserv for other similar opportunities.

bc

Enrichment Presentations

Hello All,

If you are going to be presententing your enrichment project at the August residency, please let me know as soon as possible, so I can work you into the schedule, on which I already have begun work.

bc

March Madness is for Poets and Writers, Too!

Dear Students, Graduates, and Faculty:

We're starting a new tradition in the MFA program--the annual March Madness pool. This is purely for fun--no wagering, please!--and for the pleasure of bragging about your basketball knowledge at the August residency.

If you'd like to enter, email me for the group password. Then create your bracket at ESPN.com (you'll need a free ESPN account), click the Join a Group link, and search for a group called "MFA Pool". It's that easy!

Here's the gauntlet--I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!

bc

Writing it forward

This piece, featured on the Technorati.com Women's Channel today, means the world to me. You'll understand why when you read it. It's an update of an assignment I wrote while in the program - for Daniel Nester - a few years ago. What a guy!

http://technorati.com/women/article/prolonged-grief-increases-young-widows-health/

Listen Party!

Attention poets and poetic writers. A friend of mine has a very cool, very free, online audio journal of poetry called "Listen Party". Check it by clicking on this blog post title. I love the idea of bringing poetry to life and am hoping to come up with something to submit. You should too! Here are the submission guidelines for the current issue.

ISSUE 5 / WITNESS

It was like he couldn’t change without a witness. There was no one there to see. No witnesses to speak of. Without a witness, who would believe it had happened? Without a witness, how could I even be sure? I was brought in and told to say what I saw. At some point I stopped being myself. Even if I didn’t have the language to understand what was happening I would be tied to this event for ever. It had nothing to do with me and yet I was to be irrevocably changed from it. They would feel a need to trivialize this role by giving it a name. They would call me the Witness.



Listen Party wants your recorded submissions with the theme of "WITNESS" for its fifth issue.



Guidelines for Submission

Listen Party welcomes any type of audio recording tied to the theme of each issue. Send us your recorded stories, poetry, songs, sounds, dialogues, monologues, rants, background noise, phone calls, voicemail, sound bites, collages, found sound, experimental works, correspondence, or any other items of interest that can be captured via sound waves.

We accept multiple submissions for the same theme.

We prefer mp3 files at the highest bit rate possible, but we'll pretty much take whatever sound file you've got, so long as we can find a way to play it. If accepted, we may ask you for a higher quality format, if you have it.

Please attach your audio file in an e-mail or send a streaming audio link to submissions (at) listenparty (dot) com.

If you cannot record your submission and live in the New York City area please send your written submission as text pasted into an e-mail and include how you where you wish to have it recorded. Upon notification of acceptance we will make plans to meet and record in your specified location.

March is Small Press Month

News some of us can use about small presses - with a touch of a shout out to one you know. Article went live on technoratic.com today.

Laura Hayden's Book on Amazon's Book List

Laura Hayden's book Staying Alive: A Love Story was recently ranked on Amazon's list of top books & ebooks in the section of Grief and Bereavement.

Congratulations Laura!

Best,
KSM

AWP Member Log In

Hi All,

We are going to stop mailing out The Writer's Chronicle. As a member of the AWP, you can access this online at http://elink.awpwriter.org/.

To login, you need a username and a password. If you would like to access the awp website as a member, I need your email address. Please send me an email giving me permission to use your email address to set up an account for you with the AWP. My email is santamaria005@connect.wcsu.edu.

Thanks,
Kristin

Dealer's Choice Poetry Workshop

Hi All,

Brian will be giving a poetry workshop from 6:30-9 pm on Friday, March 16 in HI 206.

Description: At this workshop, we will respond to work by each participant, but our responses will be guided by a specific question (or two or three) that each participant will bring to us—questions may be technical in nature, or may have to do with readability, or clarity of meaning, or whatever else the poet considers to be important. Participants are encouraged to bring their own poem for discussion, but are also welcome to bring a poem by someone else (published or not) as long as there are accompanying questions for discussion. The more specific and well formulated the questions are, the more able we all will be to provide directed and useful feedback.

Bring 15 copies of a single poem and prepare your discussion question(s) in advance.

If you wish to attend, RSVP to me via email santamaria005@connect.wcsu.edu by Monday, Mar. 12.

Thanks,
Kristin

Thesis Binders - Amazon

For those of you in Thesis semester who have not yet secured your required two (2) binders, I see that Amazon offers the same binders to which the MFA Web Page links you:

The Amazon price is substantively better, you receive them from the same company and you do not have to purchase a quantity of six (6) as the MFA page link seems to compel.

I ordered three (3)today (1 inch--because my poetry collection will only require about 75 pages total) and the price "out-the-door-shipped" was only $59.xx.

jus' sayin'

cheers

vk

THE BIG CLICK is live

My friend Jeremy and I have launched a new online magazine of crime and noir fiction called

The Big Click

...that's right, The Big Click.

First issue features fiction from Ken Bruen and Anonymous-9, a new column by Tom Piccirilli, and an interview with Joe R. Lansdale.

Our business model is simple: we dole out the content online over the course of weeks for people who wish to read for free—come back and click an ad next week too!—and also offer the entire magazine immediately for e-readers for the low price of $2.99. This allows us to pay our writers, a rarity for online crime fiction magazines.

Please check us out. We're not open to over the transom submissions as of yet, but I'd like to hear from my old WestConn friends and colleagues if they have something suitable. There are guidelines on the site.